


Knee Deep

by carolinecrane



Series: Retrograde [10]
Category: CSI: Miami
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-01-31
Updated: 2004-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-28 00:57:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6307576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolinecrane/pseuds/carolinecrane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He doesn't feel guilty, but it scares him anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knee Deep

It's been two months, and Tyler hasn't asked him for anything. He hasn't asked what they're doing, what Speed wants from him or even if he's seeing anybody else. There's no commitment, but they're spending almost every night together, falling into a sort of routine that was so natural Speed didn't even notice until it was too late.

He knows what it all means - he's been thinking about it a lot lately, wondering if he should maybe do something about it before it goes any further. Because there's really only one way it could go, but Tyler hasn't asked for anything and it's hard to end something Speed wants when Tyler hasn't given him an excuse. It was easy with Bernstein - he told Speed what he wanted almost as soon as they started sleeping together, and that made it easy for Speed to end it before things got too messy.

But Tyler…with him everything's different, like he's just going with the flow and it doesn't really matter what happens a month or even six months from now. It's almost like he doesn't even think about it, and Speed's starting to think that's worse than when Bernstein came right out and said he wanted a commitment. If he knew what Tyler expected he might know how to react, but as far as he can tell Tyler doesn't _expect_ anything.

So they're still just sleeping together, only it's a lot more than that and even Speed can't deny what's going on between them. He can't even count the number of hours they've spent just hanging out together, reading or watching TV or showing Tyler how to find his way around the kitchen. And he knows that's the kind of thing couples do - he knows that even if they never say it out loud, Tyler's his boyfriend.

The part that worries him most isn't that they fell so easily into a relationship; what really worries him is that he doesn't want out. He doesn't want to go back to the way it was before, to going home alone every night and casual sex that satisfied one need but left him wanting something he never lets himself put a name to. He still doesn't name that feeling, but the ache isn't there anymore, and he's smart enough to figure out why.

He doesn't feel guilty, but it scares him anyway, frightens him in a way that wakes him up some nights just to make sure Tyler's still next to him. Every time it happens he spends the rest of the night feeling like an idiot, but that doesn't stop him from lying awake just to listen to Tyler breathe. He never touches, because at least one of them should get a decent night's sleep once in awhile, but he's pretty sure if he did wake Tyler up in the middle of the night he wouldn't get any complaints.

And it all comes back to Tyler's frustrating habit of just going with the flow, letting Speed set the pace. Which means that it's all Speed's fault that he's in this situation in the first place, because he's the one who offered to teach Tyler to cook and spends more time at Tyler's place than his own. He's the one who set the rules they don't talk about, and no matter how hard he tries to blame Tyler he knows he can't.

He's not sure how long he's been letting his thoughts wander, but when he finds himself outside the break room he shakes it off as best he can and lets himself inside. Delko's already there, pouring too much sugar into his coffee before he turns to face Speed.

"I got your page. What's up?"

"What are you doing tonight?" Delko asks, grinning over his coffee when Speed frowns at him.

"You paged me to ask me about my social life?"

"Come on, man, I know you haven't got one of those."

Delko laughs at Speed's scowl, and instantly Speed forces his expression back to neutral. They've worked together long enough for Speed to know when Delko's just trying to get under his skin, and he knows better than to react to it. Sometimes it's hard not to, though, and he's got enough on his mind at the moment without adding Delko's weird sense of humor to it.

"Look, I've got evidence to process."

"Dude, you've been blowing me off for two months. What's with you?" Delko asks, the humor in his voice gone just as suddenly as it surfaced.

"I'm not blowing you off," Speed says, but they both know it's a lie. He and Delko are supposed to be friends, but since Tyler…he hasn't really thought about anybody else since this all started, and that's another reason to wonder what exactly he's doing. "I've got work to do. You should look into it sometime."

"Hilarious. It's called a break, you should try it sometime."

And he doesn't feel guilty, but he sighs anyway and crosses his arms over his chest. "Why'd you page me?"

Just like that Delko's smile lights up again, and Speed could kick himself for being so gullible. "I'm trying to talk Calleigh into going out tonight. I think I've got her convinced, but if she starts to think it's a date she'll back off. So I told her you were going too."

"No way."

"Come on, man, I'm asking as a friend here."

"No," Speed says again, more emphatically this time. "No way am I getting in the middle of that. Anyway, I've got plans tonight."

"What, you've got a date? That's even better - bring her along and we'll make it a double."

Speed's shaking his head before Delko even finishes talking, but he's not sure what to tell him. They don't really have a date - more like a standing arrangement - but no matter what he calls it Speed knows Tyler's expecting him to show up tonight. There's no rule that says he couldn't blow it off; part of him thinks he should, that it would be a good first step toward distancing himself from Tyler. He's got a valid excuse, at least if he can count Delko's personal problems as a valid reason to blow off his boyfriend.

Only he doesn't want to blow it off, because they spent last night apart and he doesn't want to sleep alone two nights in a row. He spent all of last night wishing Tyler would just show up after his dance class, wondering why that isn't part of their regular routine, and trying to convince himself he's not desperate enough to suggest it. It's the one night a week they don't spend together on a regular basis, and it gets a little harder every week for Speed to stop himself from calling or just showing up at Tyler's place after his class.

He suppresses a shudder at the sudden image of Tyler still in his dance clothes, sweaty from his workout and pumped full of adrenaline. This is a bad time to be thinking about Tyler, though, because Delko's still waiting for an answer.

"Look, I just can't. You're gonna have to tell her you're interested in her sooner or later anyway, might as well get it over with."

The door to the break room opens before Delko can argue, and Speed half expects to see Calleigh walk in. Instead he finds himself face to face with Tyler for the first time in over twenty-four hours, and when he sees what Tyler's wearing it's a struggle not to react. They didn't wake up together, so Speed's not prepared for the conspicuous absence of Tyler's usual khakis and baggy shirt. He's even less prepared for the snug-fitting baseball shirt and the jeans that hug Tyler's hips in ways Speed's pretty sure he would have noticed a long time ago if they weren't always covered by an obnoxiously colored Hawaiian shirt.

"Hey, Ty," Delko says while Speed's still trying to remember how to talk. "You do something different?"

"No. Why?" Tyler asks, and if Speed didn't know him so well he would have missed the false innocence in Tyler's voice. He knows exactly what Tyler's doing, but Speed has to give him credit, because so far Tyler's completely ignored his presence in the room.

"Something looks different," Delko answers, still frowning curiously at Tyler. "You get a haircut?"

"No," Tyler says again, smiling now and God, Speed can't wait to peel those clothes off him.

Delko watches Tyler for a few more seconds, as though he's still trying to put his finger on the change, and Speed's thankful for the first time that Delko's the straightest guy he knows, because if he wasn't Speed might be jealous about the way Delko's staring at his boyfriend. And he's not, but he still has to swallow a relieved sigh when Delko shakes it off and changes the subject. "Hey, Ty, you doing anything tonight? Speed's bailing on me again and I need a fourth. I can hook you up if you don't have a date."

"Thanks, but I'm seeing somebody," Tyler answers without even looking up, and Speed's grateful, because the last thing he needs is for either of them to see the flash of panic he doesn't manage to swallow fast enough.

"Yeah? Is she cute?"

"She's a he. And he's all right, yeah." Tyler's grinning down at his lunch, the corners of his mouth turned up in a bemused smile and it's impossible for Speed not to notice that he's reheating a piece of the lasagna they made together just two nights ago.

For a second his senses are flooded with the sweet tang of red sauce tempered by warm lips, hands under his shirt and a hard counter pressing into his back, making him press even more insistently into the body pushing against him. His cock twitches at the memory and he has to remind himself where he is, who's standing in the room and why thinking about cooking lessons right now is a recipe for disaster. That doesn't help the crawling feeling under his skin, though, and it doesn't make it any easier for him not to react when Tyler steals a glance at him.

"Oh. Sorry, man. Guess I shouldn't have assumed," Delko says, and Speed fights back a blush with every ounce of self-control he has left.

"No harm done." Tyler pulls the microwave open a second before the timer goes off, picking up his lunch and looking up at Delko.

"Well hey, you wanna bring him along?"

Speed's already losing the fight with his blush, but the sudden rush of panic pushes it over the edge and he feels his ears start to burn. Tyler doesn't even look at him before he shakes his head, though, and Speed hates himself for the relief that makes his knees tremble. "Sorry. Maybe some other time."

He doesn't hear the rest of the conversation. All he knows is that less than a minute later Tyler's gone again, and Delko's staring after him with a confused expression. "Did you know he was gay?"

"Yeah," Speed answers in his best 'isn't it obvious?' voice, because he really doesn't want to explain to Delko _why_ he already knew Tyler was gay. And it's not like he didn't know before Tyler came on to him, but he doesn't really want to explain that to Delko either.

If Delko thinks it's weird he doesn't say anything, though. Instead he just shakes his head, mutters a 'huh' and turns his attention back to Speed. "So are you gonna help me out or not?"

"I already told you no," Speed answers, turning toward the fridge to give himself an excuse not to look at Delko. "You're on your own, man. I'm sure you can handle it."

He hears Delko's exasperated sigh, but he doesn't look up. Making eye contact will just make Delko think he's still got a chance to change Speed's mind, and he's not sure how much more of this conversation he can stand. He's not sure how much more of this _day_ he can stand, and after that little scene with Delko and Tyler he's not sure his night's looking all that much better.

"I don't get you," Delko says, and Speed swallows a sigh and forces himself to look up. "Whatever. Just don't expect me to do you any favors."

When Delko's gone Speed leans against the counter, waiting for his knees to stop fighting him before he tries to move. It's not so much that he feels guilty about Delko; he knows Eric doesn't need him as a buffer with Calleigh. A few months ago, maybe, but that thing with Hagen's behind her now and Speed's pretty sure she's ready to move on with Eric.

What's really bothering him is the way Tyler came out to Delko so casually. He's been telling himself for two months that he's not keeping them a secret, that he just doesn't think anyone at work needs to know about his personal life. He knows it's a lie, though, and if Tyler can say something that personal to someone he doesn't really know then there's no telling how long he'll put up with Speed before he gets tired of watching everything he says around other people.

He doesn't think about where he's going when he finally leaves the break room, but he's not surprised to find himself standing in front of the A/V lab. The corridors are mostly deserted, so no one's around to see him push the door open and let himself in, taking a second to let his eyes adjust to the dim light before he crosses the room to stop next to Tyler.

"Hey."

"Hey." Tyler's working on something, images flashing on the screen in front of him and his lunch sitting half-eaten at his elbow.

He's not sure what he's doing here, because he doesn't have a work-related excuse, and he's spent most of the morning fighting the urge to stop by Tyler's lab just to see him. He thinks he should say _something_ about what just happened in the break room, but he has no idea what or if Tyler even expects him to.

"You can go out with Delko if you want, you know." Tyler doesn't look at him when he says it, so it takes a few seconds for Speed to process the words. It takes him another second to catch on to the fact that Tyler's mad, and he wants to resent it, but mostly he just feels guilty.

"I don't want to." He thinks maybe he should offer to tell Delko they'll both go, that maybe Tyler's expecting him to come out to Eric and Calleigh on some kind of weird double date. But even if Delko knew the truth he wouldn't want to go, not when he's been looking forward all day to having Tyler all to himself. "Spending the night watching Delko hit on Calleigh isn't exactly my idea of a good time."

"Yeah? So what is your idea of a good time?" Tyler asks, finally glancing up long enough to raise an eyebrow at Speed.

He gets the feeling he's supposed to take the question as flirting, but there's a challenge in Tyler's voice that makes Speed's heart skip a beat. And it's not much of a risk because it's lunch time and he knows the lab's mostly empty, but he reaches out and skims his fingers along Tyler's shoulder, across his shirt to the bare skin just above his collar. "If you come over later I'll show you."

Anyone who glanced in at them would think they were both absorbed in whatever's on the screen in front of Tyler, Tyler intent on the image and Speed leaning in to get a better look. Only Speed hasn't even registered whatever Tyler's working on, and he can tell by the way Tyler leans into his touch that he's not focusing on his job right now.

"Now there's an offer I can't refuse," Tyler answers, and when he turns to glance at Speed his hair brushes across the back of Speed's hand.

Speed pulls back with an effort, suddenly aware of exactly where they are and how close he is to leaning even closer, pressing their mouths together to taste tomato sauce and sweet and Tyler. Instead he clears his throat and takes a few steps backwards, thankful that it's always a little dark in the A/V lab so Tyler won't see him blushing. "So I'll see you then."

He waits for Tyler's nod before he turns around and lets himself out of the lab, glancing in both directions to make sure no one's watching him before he heads back to his own lab. And he doesn't look back to see, but he's almost sure he can feel the weight of Tyler's gaze on his back as he walks away.


End file.
